Remodeling

I have been thinking and rethinking things in life... There are things I am going to make conscious effort to change, there are other things that change without my consent, without ne even being aware that they changed.
I compare my life for the last three years to a tornado. All my growing up life, wishing and waiting for the day when I will have a husband, family and home. Now, quicker than I had ever daydreamed, I'm there. I'm so there. It's actually surreal. Sometimes I do not believe it.
Pregnant in a confusing time of life, I didn't know which way was up, I felt all over the place, and was battling depression. God used that little life to set my feet back on the ground. But they didn't stay on the ground for long. I have been changing diapers ever since, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I get a little time to sit and think nowadays, and all I seem to think about it how The Father has blessed me, and how I am a person unrecognizable from what I once was, and how fast, and unnoticably things change.
I ponder things all the time, and I should take the time to mark them down on this blog so that it doesn't all end up a jumble like now. I am quickly forgetting why I initially sat down to write.
Some things have particularly stood out to me in the last few days. I'm not the girl I was even a year ago. I realized this while eating a piece of edible Easter grass off the floor..... A year ago I had used the stuff for the girls' Easter baskets and swore I would never use it again. Too much of a mess, and unbelievable mess. Yet, as I walked down the Easter aisle at ol' Wally World, into the basket it went. I hate messes, the messiness of my house astounds and bugs me to no end. A year ago the stress of it drove me to tears, missed sleep, and swearing... Now, I buy the edible Easter grass without blinking. I still cringe at the mess it makes, but I accept it and move on. I have no idea when it became ok with me to let the mess sit for more important things. Just another change that I feel I was powerless against. I'm aware of the fact that someday the house will be clean, the scrapbooks will be up to date and I will be reading my Bible often and also keeping up with a reading list. And those days I will miss other changes, like the fact that my kids will not be begging me to run around the dishwasher with them, or play bad guys in jail. They won't be asking me to kiss their ouchies, get them a cup of juice. It's not even a fair trade actually, and when I think about that, the mess isn't so icky anymore, but beautiful.
I have also experienced vocabulary changes. I like big words and to be well read. I enjoy crosswords and the dictionary, I love learning new words and trying them out. Another frivolous thing I will have too much time for too soon. I have traded all that in for such exciting words as: no no, ouchie, beep beep, bop, sleepytime, bathtime, time out, paddle, kiss, love, hug, ... All of those words I am a better person for using everyday. Still, it gets maddening when I take a little time and think over the sentence I just used; "It didn't get poopoo on it b/c it was in the washer from when you got peepee on it." Seriously? Yes. And there are tons more like it. Someday I will discuss scripture and C.S. Lewis while drinking white wine and wearing crisp, clean, new, possible even white clothing. But for now, I talk about Wubbzy, bogies, tangles, nightmares, and Jesus while wearing spit on, peed on, sweat in, clothing that is older than my kids, and in colors not so flattering as they are good at concealing dirt and aforementioned liquids. And that trade doesn't seem fair either......