Sorry, No Spongebob

I do not allow my children to watch Spongebob Squarepants. I've looked at it, and decided that it's not for us. This past weekend, my cousins, four of them, ranging in age from five to ten, were in town and they discussed Spongebob multiple times and at length. My oldest just sat with wide eyes. I thought for sure she would make some sort of comment about how we don't watch it. She did ask later why the cousins would watch something bad. I explained, just because something isn't right for us doesn't mean it's wrong for everyone else. I feel I needed to tell that background before I went into what this post is actually about. Ethne is the type that obsesses over things. If there is any sort of emotion coming from Michael or me when we tell her something, that emotion is multiplied in her mind. So we can say something has "bad" stuff in it b/c we had used the word inappropriate, and she asked what it meant, then she lets that go in her mind and Spongebob is next to the devil, ok? You need to know that, too. She feels things intensely, and entirely, and she is a deeply honest creature that strives for what is good. I think this is one of those traits that a person is just born with, as opposed to something taught. I believe this simply because my second child is a sneaky stinker, always looking to get away with something.
So let's get to the point. We were having a family meal and CiCi's and innocently chose a booth where Ethne could see the tv quite clearly. On the tv was a show the kids don't often watch, but we have no problem with. The meal progressed nicely, the kids were actually well behaved. But then, the show that was on ended, and with it the "younger" children's programming. To start off the more mature programming was none other than Spongebob, or the devil, as Ethne has come to think of him. "Spongebob" Ethne choked out in a whispery voice. Like Freddy Krueger had walked into the building. Michael and I were very casual about it, reassuring her it was just fine. She was visibly upset, her face started turning red, her eyes moist, her breathing shallow. She was trying so very hard not to look at the screen. We told her it was ok if she saw some of it, she would not be in trouble. She was not convinced, she was looking for some way to make this ok in her mind. Finally she said, that she couldn't hear it and so it was ok. Michael and I jumped on that, saying yes, of course, it would all be ok. For a while she just stared at the screen, a look of uncertainty on her face, she asked why CiCi's would leave it on. This was a very good oppurtunity to explain to her about the world, and how we can be in the world and accept their practices without making them our own. I decided to leave that conversation for later in the day and Michael told her that we make decisions that are good for us and our home but not everyone else makes those decisions and then he further saved the day by taking the kids to the little arcade area.
Seeing my daughter so upset, by the inability to "be good" touched me. I had gotten tears in my eyes as she struggled with the a definite no-no staring her right in the face. she wanted with all her might to avoid it and felt powerless. She searched her mind for excuses to make it ok somehow. I wanted to make her feel that everything was ok, and still let her know how proud we were of her that she was indeed right for thinking what she was thinking. Still, she looked like she was suffering, and I wanted very much to stop it. But I don't think that pain was mine to assuage. She is just three, nearly four, but I believe that she and Lord have a relationship. And I liken it to a relationship, with "goodness". She had chosen goodness over evil. (And I am not saying Spongebob is evil, but that's how she views it) And that choice is bound to bring about feelings of some nature, pain along with the joy, because it does take sacrifice, which is meant to sting a bit. I believe my place in all of that as her mommy was and is to reassure her that I stand be her choices. Show her I am proud of her choices and the sweet girl she in turning into. Let her know I like the person she is deciding to be. I do not believe I should make it seem as if being on "the good side" is easy street. I do not think I should shelter her from ever feeling discomfort, even though she made the right choice. And I'm not sure that I even could if I felt it my duty to take away the hurt. For those of us that have allowed Jesus to rule our life, we know the sting, the pinch, sometimes more like a stab that can occur, but Jesus and only Jesus comes in and is the salve for that, and it's a comfort not even a mommy can match. I have to let go of my kids, and trust that Jesus will do what he promised. HE is going to reward her for her goodness of heart. I believe that.

Don't give up

I am at the stage with my kids where I just want to quit! Not quit my kids, but quit trying so hard to parent them. To sit by and let them have their way. That would be so easy. This is the most important stage of parenthood. I will rise to this challenge. Quitting at this stage would be detrimental for my kids. Quitting would mean letting my kids win. And I know that parenting isn't actually a battle, but it sure feels like one. So quitting on my job just tells my kids they've won, and they have also quite possibly won every battle from here on out. Quitting shows my kids my breaking point, my one year old can recognize it. And they'll remember it and use that information for the future. And it won't take as long the next time as the previous time. I'll remember too how easy it was to just let go, give them what they want. Sit back and watch the madness unfold. It is madness to give into those little cherubs, I promise. They are so cute, so precious and know how to push all my buttons. But giving in and giving them what they want, or deciding not to make them do what I say, is actually hurting them. As a parent it's my job to guide my kids, and each of thse little battles is an important step in guiding them. Each one takes them further down the path of respecting elders, self respect, and independence. I remind myself of this whenever I feel like I can't do it. And sometimes I feel like that, but they depend on me to show them how to be mature, well rounded, capable adults, even if they don't know it yet and fight me tooth and nail against it.